Dynasty Drabbles
by Josephus Prime
Summary: Just some funny Dynasty Warriors drabbles. Review Please!


The Great Human Bulldozer, Lu Bu….yawned. He sat up in his bed and as he scratched his back, he realized something.

He had to go to the bathroom. He stood up and proceeded down one of the many hallways of Xia Pi castle. Ever since he had slaughtered his adoptive father Dong Zhuo, he and his cohorts had found refuge in Liu Bei's castle of Xia Pi. Though he had only been there for a few days, he already knew the lay of the land. He walked towards the lavatory and paused.

There was a small sign on the door. Written on it in large, messy writing was:

DO NOT ENTER.

Lu Bu Blinked. He looked around and saw a man sweeping the hall. "Hey, You."

The man turned. "Oh, Lord Lu Bu!" He bowed quickly. "Good Morning! How may I be of service?"

"Easy." Lu Bu thumbed the sign. "Did you put this up?" The man looked closely at the sign.

"No, Milord. Last I checked, there was nothing wrong with that Lavatory."

"Huh." Lu Bu blinked. He began to pull open the door. "Well, I gotta do some business, and no sign is gonna stop meoOOH GOD WHAT DIED!?" He reached up his hands to his nose as his eyes began to tear up. The moment he had opened that door, A stench so foul, so _terrible_, so VILE, had torn through his nose. He could swear he felt some nose hairs curl.

"Milord!? What is…OH SWEET _BUDDHA_!!" The man clutched his nose and threw his broom at the door, shutting it. "What was that!?"

"No idea!!"

"hrhgmmm What in the world…" A door opened down the hall. Out porceded the giant with a huge beard, Guan Yu. "Lord Lu Bu? Why are you making such a tumult at this hour?"

"Sniff!!" The Green Dragon blinked.

"…Beg your pardo-" His face scrunched up. "WHAT THE DEVIL IS THAT!?"

"Something is SERIOUSLY wrong in that lavatory man!" By Now Lu Bu was at the opposite wall, getting as far away from the smell as possible.

"It's like something from the pits of Hell!" Yu proclaimed. Suddenly lu Bu and the sweeping man gaped at him. "What?"

"Milord….your….your BEARD!!"

"Yes, what about my beard?"

"Better question!" stated Lu Bu., "WHAT BEARD!?"

Guan Yu raised a hand to feel his beard.

It wasn't there. His eyes went wide as he slowly looked down towards the floor. There lay his proud beard, now no more than a clump of hair. "WHAT DEVILRY IS THIS!!"

'WILL YOU FOLKS KEEP IT DOWN, DAMMIT!!" They both looked down the hall to see a very angry Zhang Liao. "Do you people have ANY IDEA what…WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" His eyes twitched. "Lord Lu Bu….is that-"

"It's not me, man!"

"I can second that, milords!" Zhang Liao ignored him as he noticed the now beardless Guan Yu.

"L-Lord Guan Yu!! What in the world happened to your majestic beard!?"

"Speak for yourself!"

Zhang Liao blinked. "What do you...What!?" His beard had curled up into itself, mustache and all.

_And so it continued. As more people noticed the stench, more suffering came to pass. _

_Pang Tong's staff exploded in his hands…_

_Guan Ping's Halberd shattered like glass…_

_All of Diao Chan's hair fell out…_

_Liu Bei's swords rusted…_

_Yue Ying's hair turned from bright red to purple…_

_And many others to heinous to mention._

_Seeking a solution, Liu Bei assembled everyone in the courtyard…_

"When I find out who did this, I am going to take my whip and STRANGLE THEM 'TILL THEIR EYES POP OUT!"

"Um… Diao Chan…calm down."

"Alright let's all calm down." Yelled Liu Bei, standing on a large crate as he tried to silence the rabble of people, "I'm sure we can get to the bottom of this. Zhuge?" He stepped down and let Zhuge Liang step up.

"Now now, everyone lets look at the evidence. Who's writing is this?" he held up the sign.

"Um…Isn't that Lord Zhang Fei's? I mean his writing is pretty messy…"

"Correct. Now observe." He flipped the sign over. "Anyone notice this?" there was a large light purple blotch on the back corner of the sign.

Lu Bu gaped. "That's a wine stain!!"

"True. Now, with these pieces of Evidence, the person who poisoned the air in the bathroom is…."

"ZHANG FEI!!"

"Huh? Someone call?" Zhang poked his head in. He instantly regretted it. Everyone glared at him, sharpening their blades, cracking their knuckles and pcikign up anything they could use as a weapon.

"You…." Lu Bu snarled, "You made Red Hare shrink to half his size!! YOU COCKROOOOOOOOOAAAAACH!!" He whipped out Sky Piercer and let the charge at Zhang Fei.

"What the Hell!? AAAHH!!" He turned and fled.

"COWARD! COME BACK HERE SO YOU CAN _DIE!!_"

"REVEEEENNNGGGGEEEEE!!"

"THIS IS FOR MY BEARD, BROTHER!!"

"AAAAAUGH!! BAD DAY BAD DAY BAD DAY BAD DAAAAAAAAAAAY!!"

Zhuge Liang gave a small sigh. He jumped when he heard a voice.

"It was you, wasn't it?" He turned and saw his wife, smiling as she ran a hand through her now purple hair.

"Well...uh…maybe…" He sweatdropped. Yue sighed. "I know I'm supposed to avoid shellfish but…its was just so tempting…"

Yue smiled sadly. "So you made a fake sign and spilled wine on the sign to frame Fei?"

"Well….yeah…"

Yue shook her head. "I suppose I'd rather you stay alive. But no more shellfish, you hear?"

"Yes Ma'am." And so they walked off, arm in arm. And as they walked off, a cry went out from somewhere in Xia Pi….

"WHY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!?"


End file.
